It was way past midnight
And she still couldn’t fall asleep
This night the dream was leaving
She tried so hard to keep
And with the new day’s dawning
She felt it driftin’ away
Not only for a cruise
Not only for a day
Too long ago, too long apart
She couldn’t wait another day for
The captain of her heart
As the day came up, she made a stop
She stopped waiting another day for
The captain of her heart
A Haunting Cry of Wanting
“The Captain of Her Heart” is a beautifully haunting and atmospheric song released in the fall of 1985 by the Swiss duo, Double. It caught my attention on the first listen. The pair created a lush soundscape with minimal musical accompaniment and understated vocals.
The tune centers on an impatient woman hoping to find true love. Single ladies, can you relate to her dilemma? I knew a woman who “fasted and prayed” for a man for five, long years, and he married someone else. Oh, the heartbreak. The disillusionment.
A woman from childhood longs to find the man of her dreams. It’s a God-given desire since the world’s beginning. To quote the 1980s singer, Bonnie Tyler, she holds out “for a hero ’til the end of the night. He’s gotta be strong, and he’s gotta be fast, and he’s gotta be fresh from the fight. He’s gotta be sure, and it’s gotta be soon, and he’s gotta be larger than life.”
When her vision doesn’t come to fruition, she cries, “I opened to my lover, but he was gone! My heart sank. I searched for him but could not find him anywhere. I called to him, but there was no reply (Song of Songs 5:6).”
Divorcing from Matrimony
As a result of constant disappointment, women overall have chosen to delay marriage or shun it altogether. And the prospect of divorce certainly hasn’t bred confidence. In 2022, the worldwide divorce rate was 1.6 per 1,000 people, and the United States led with 2.3 per 1,000 people with broken unions.
According to a University of Houston study, the average age for marriage among women since 1956 rose from 20 years old to 27 years old. That same study cites that 89% globally reside in a nation with steadily declining marriage rates.
As a man who has been single again for the past nine years, I can empathize with my friends on the opposite side of the gender spectrum. At one time, my faith in the institution of matrimony was upended after my marriage came to an end.
Now approaching a decade of bachelorhood, these years taught me valuable lessons. I learned it’s possible to lose yourself trying to win someone else. Before I can attract a woman worth keeping, I had to know that I’m attractive. I had to appreciate the man that God made me.
A Tale of Two Captains
A part of what makes me me is a fascination for science fiction, and what piqued my interest in the genre is the Star Trek franchise. I watched the original series religiously with my father growing up. The show spawned multiple spin-offs, and at the heart of each is the captain. Two prominent captains of the Star Trek saga are the leaders of the U.S.S. Enterprise, James Tiberius Kirk and Jean-Luc Picard.
Kirk is more apt to resolve conflict with his fists. He’s the quintessential ladies’ man. His numerous romantic exploits led his best friend and Enterprise doctor, James “Bones” McCoy, to once ask him, “What is it with you, anyway?”
On the other hand, Picard is far more selective and reserved in the area of love relationships. He’s cerebral, enjoys literature, and is a connoisseur of classical, jazz, and Latin music. He opts to engage in diplomatic discussion, and combat is a last resort.
If I were to liken my personality to either of them, I’d choose the latter. I’m Captain Picard. That’s me, and I realize I won’t be every woman’s cup of tea. My traits that one woman will find bland another woman will savor.
Therefore, when a man knows himself and is whole spiritually, mentally, and emotionally, he comes into a relationship looking to give to a woman instead of taking from her. This kind of man is worth the wait. It fulfills God’s design for marriage from Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.”
Completely, Exactly, and Promptly
God is continuing His work in me and to have me understand what the Apostle Paul wrote in Colossians 2:10, “So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority.”
When I know it’s God who completes me, I’m able to love a woman completely. To capture a woman’s heart, I must give God control of my heart. That’s why Maya Anguelou wrote, “A woman’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her.”
Ladies, it may feel like it’s “way past midnight” and your love life has passed its prime. However, the Lord is never late. Ecclesiastes 3:11 says, “Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.”
Who knows what today may bring? Yes, your captain, your prince will come, and he’ll be a gift from the King of kings. With God and His word as your foundation and his also, your marriage will last “as long as both shall you live”. Proverbs 10:22 says, “The blessing of the Lord makes a person rich, and He adds no sorrow with it.”
So, cling to hope. Hold on to God‘s unchanging hand. Allow Him to lead you and put your hand in the hand of a good man.
Sources:
Song: “The Captain of Her Heart” performed by Double
Song: “Holding Out for a Hero” performed by Bonnie Tyler
Scripture: Song of Songs 5:6
Article: “Why are Women Opting Out of Marriage Around the World” by Dinah Hannaford – University of Houston, published January 11, 2023
Article: “Divorce Rates in the World” by Divorce.com staff, published February 15, 2023
Movie Scene: “Kirk’s Epiphany, Martia’s Plan, and McCoy’s Exasperation” from the motion picture, “Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country”
Scripture: Ephesians 5:25 (New International Version)
Scripture: Colossians 2:10
Scripture: Ecclesiastes 3:11
Scripture: Proverbs 10:22
Scripture references are from the New Living Translation except where noted. Their links go to bible.com, courtesy of YouVersion, makers of the Bible App available for iOS and Android devices.
