There’s a true story about a man who had the ideal life: a loving wife and immaculate living conditions with as much sustenance as they desired. Yet, he forfeited everything in a moment of weakness following bad counsel. His mistake brought a wedge between his wife and his lifelong friend.
This is the context of the fall of humanity and its first couple, Adam and Eve. They had a symbiotic relationship and lived in a paradise where they wanted nothing. God assured them they could enjoy the pleasures of the garden of Eden forever provided they honored one condition: never to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. If they ate from the tree, they would die. Why? God wanted them to trust that only He knew what was best for them.
Unfortunately, their resolve came under intense scrutiny from a serpent roaming about the garden. Sensing an opening, he moved in on them and challenged Eve. “Did God really say you must not eat the fruit from any of the trees in the garden?” he asked. He successfully convinces Eve to eat fruit from the tree, and Adam — watching the entire interaction — follows suit.
As a consequence of yielding to temptation, God cursed the serpent to crawl on its belly. He created intolerable working conditions for Adam. To Eve He said, “I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain, you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.”
It’s often said control is an extension of the fear of making mistakes and incurring a loss. The advent of social media ushered in a heightened emphasis on optics, and it’s nowhere more prevalent than within the Christian community of which I’m a part.
To hold on to the image of corporate perfection, pictures are carefully chosen and words are selectively scripted. The desire to craft this narrative also infiltrates the home and among parents. We strive to project our children as spiritual juggernauts on our timelines, adding luster and sheen to our résumés for the masses to see. Although well-intentioned, we may unknowingly place undue pressure on them to be perfect, and they become afraid to make the wrong choice. Under the constant weight to appear upright, our kids can grow to be resentful.
This is a core component of what is known as the “preacher’s kid syndrome”. Barnabas Piper — son of influential pastor, John Piper — says his struggle was the catalyst for his memoir, “The Pastor’s Kid: What It’s Like and How To Help”. He said, “Writing this book has been hard. Maybe it’s more accurate to say that a lot of hardship went into writing this book, some of it in my own family and some of it in the pain of other PKs I connected with along the way. So many PKs carry so much pain and anger and sorrow with them. Some of them have fallen into bitterness, and others are rightly doing the hard work of trust in Jesus to help them through.” Piper elaborates, “I have found that there is uniqueness to the challenges PKs face. The reality of being a center on display in a ministry creates quite the spiritual and emotional Molotov cocktail.”
In a way, all believers are pastors. 1 Peter 2:9 says, “…for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for He called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.”
As a Christian dad, I sometimes ask myself the brutally honest question: if my daughter makes a crucial misstep, alongside loving and helping her learn and grow from it, would I be preoccupied with the public perception of me? Therefore, I tried to keep her “in check”: making sure she has her “quiet time” with God or having scheduled times of devotion. These are all excellent and vital disciplines, but I learned if forced, it becomes a boring chore instead of a delight.
Jesus says in Matthew 10:39, “If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for Me, you will find it.” My daughter is now an adolescent, and I encourage her to maintain a close bond with her heavenly Father. I tell her the more time she spends with Him the better she’ll know Him. In addition, I discovered the most fruitful spiritual talks I’ve had with her have been outside any structured teaching time.
While my newly minted teenager is yet in her formative years, I have to let her become the young lady God wants her to be instead of who I want. The Apostle Paul writes in Romans 15:7, “Therefore, accept each other just as Christ has accepted you so that God will be given glory.”
Although I have over a decade of experience, parenting is still on-the-job training. I realize more than ever that God isn’t asking me to be a flawless father but only a pliable one. He says in Isaiah 66:2, “My hands have made both heaven and earth; they and everything in them are Mine. I, the Lord, have spoken! I will bless those who have humble and contrite hearts, who tremble at My word.”
So, Lord, I relinquish control, the need to impress others with an unblemished record, and I give my daughter to You. Help me to love her and accept where she is in her life’s journey. Help me to raise her as You want and trust You’ll direct her. I give You the pencil to write and edit our stories. In Your capable hands, I know they’ll be pure perfection.
Sources:
All Biblical references are taken from the New Living Translation
https://bible.com/bible/116/gen.2.1-25.NLT
https://bible.com/bible/116/gen.3.1-18.NLT
Article: “11 Things A Pastor’s Kid May Be Thinking – That You May Not Even Realize” by Vanderbloemen
Book: “The Pastor’s Kid: Finding Your Own Faith and Identity” by Barnabas Piper
https://bible.com/bible/116/1pe.2.9.NLT
https://bible.com/bible/116/mat.10.39.NLT
Article: “Mistakes vs Missteps: The Critical Difference” by Antonio Canas
