Hands in the air. Voices upon voices shouting at full capacity accompanied by swelling melodies from a band. It’s a typical scene Sunday mornings in Christian circles and quite familiar to a woman with whom became I friends. She’s an upstanding sister who was active in her church where she served with her husband. He was a deacon and well-known among the congregation. Unknown to them, however, was a long-held secret.
At his hands, she had been suffering from emotional, mental, and physical abuse. For him, the role of the wife was to obey the husband, grossly misapplying Ephesians 5:22, “For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” He believed this gave him a license to keep his wife “in line”. Yet, he conveniently ignores the previous verse to both spouses, “And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
A Disservice During Service
My dear sister was desperate to tell someone of her ongoing anguish. One Sunday morning, she was going to divulge her secret but felt compelled to remain silent. During that morning’s service, her pastor over thunderous music from backing musicians and shouts from a lively audience decried, “I’m tired of seeing people come in here with long faces, moping, and complaining about their problems! Don’t you know you’re just a shout away from your breakthrough? Shut up about your problems! Open your mouth, and command your soul to praise the Lord!”
She told me she believed it was “confirmation” from God to keep quiet and tepidly raised her hands to blend in with the others in the congregation. A few days after, she was rushed to a nearby hospital. Her husband came home the previous night and didn’t find dinner ready when he expected it. Simmering with anger, he lashed out with a fierce blow to her head.
The doctors informed her family that had she arrived any later, she would’ve died from her injuries. Her family reported her husband to the authorities, and he was sentenced to prison. When church leaders visited her in the hospital and asked why she didn’t tell them of her husband’s abuse, she spoke of that Sunday morning service.
Waking Up and Making Up
Indeed, my sister’s nightmarish ordeal was a wake-up call for her home for fellowship and its leaders. They publicly apologized to God and the congregation for cultivating a culture of dishonesty. To demonstrate its contrition, it started a ministry for people suffering from abuse and encourages its members to be forthcoming with their issues.
They vowed to adhere to what the Apostle James wrote in his self-tilted book in the latter half of the New Testament. To those like my sister, he invites, “Are any of you sick (physically, emotionally, or mentally – my insertion)? You should call for the elders of the church to come and pray over you, anointing you with oil in the name of the Lord (James 5:14).” To those like her husband, he urges, “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results (James 5:16).”
Protection of the Projection
The voracity for a vivacious appearance is at an apex in Christendom. Yes, God wants that we give Him praise for who He is and what He does for us. Every breath we breathe comes from Him. Everything we have is because of His provision. Because He is the answer to every dilemma, He encourages us to hold on to hope amid our troubles.
King David asks himself in Psalms 43:5, “Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise Him again— my Savior and my God!” 1 Thessalonians 5:18 follows this thought, “Be thankful in all (not for all) circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” The church has some ways to go to strike a balance. My sister’s situation is indicative of our continual struggle to nurture individuals above image and lift up lives over laying down laws.
If a person is belittled for honesty at a church, where else can they go? We are extensions of Christ. Unlike us, He was sinless, God in flesh, and yet experienced what it was like be to human (Hebrews 4:14-16). The shortest Bible verse, “Then Jesus wept” from John 11:35, is because He chose to empathize with a grieving family and gave space for mourning, even though He was moments away from resurrecting their loved one, Lazarus.
Marriage of the Mentalities
As a divorcée, I would’ve never been to able rise above my circumstance and get the healing I needed if I listened the advice of my sister’s pastor. It’s why I cherish the aforementioned book of Psalms the way I do. As I wrote on the home page of this blog site, “The Psalms capture a broad range of human emotion: anguish, betrayal, bewilderment, doubt, hate, rage, and sadness as well as celebration, devotion, faith, happiness, joy, love, peace, and trust. The book’s various authors probably had little idea of the impact their writings at the time would have on me and countless others. Expressing their feelings was therapy for them then. It’s become a source of strength for me now.”
I thank God He allowed writers to express all mental states in scripture. To find a solution, one has to admit a problem exists. The grace of God encourages us to be real, and it will never cease to give what we need when we need it. For that, I give Him glory!
It’s my prayer we raise our voices and hands in praise to Him and extend a hand of that same grace to one another.
Sources:
Scripture: Ephesians 5:22
Scripture: Ephesians 5:21
Scripture: James 5:14
Scripture: James 5:16
Scripture: Psalms 43:5
Scripture: 1 Thessalonians 5:18
Scripture: Hebrews 4:14-16
Scripture: John 11:35
Scripture references links go to bible.com, courtesy of YouVersion, makers of the Bible App available for iOS and Android devices.
